Today I am eight weeks and one day pregnant with my rainbow baby, Ellis. I’m sitting here, slightly queasy, eating strawberries and sipping cold ginger tea as I type. This is the second time I’ve been eight weeks and one day pregnant, but today with Ellis is so much different than than today with JB. Today I’m thinking about these brothers, my angel and my rainbow.
“Today” with JB, I was sad. Instead of eating strawberries, I was eating nothing in preparation for surgery. “Today” with JB, I was getting a second ultrasound to confirm his passing. Instead of planning for a bike ride with my husband, I was texting my mom and close friends that I was going to have the D&C. “Today” JB was taken from me. Instead of caressing my belly with love and excitement, I was doubled over my empty, bleeding uterus in agony. “Today” was the last day of my pregnancy with JB.
Today I celebrate both brothers with love. I no longer cry for JB even though I miss him and wonder who he would be as a seven month old baby. Now I think about how I will acknowledge him as I prepare for Ellis. I think calling them brothers is a beautiful way to remember JB as I move on through this journey.
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